I knew this was inevitable, but I didn’t really think about how it would feel. I know plenty of people who have to move because their spouse has the opportunity to take on an amazing job. I think it is the right thing to do to set aside my own wants for my husbands, but it doesn’t feel entirely good. Granted I don’t have to move far, which makes me lucky. But an hour commute from my family, friends, and job really makes a huge impact on my day to day life.
Part of me is nervous about this move because of everything that I am immediately giving up: spontaneous dinner dates with friends, advancement/expansion of my career, being near the twin cities that I love. Another part of me worries about the set back in plans that I started having for our future: buying a house in the next year or starting to have children sooner than later. Along with these set backs I also worry about what other people might say about me moving. I feel like I might be judged for “caving” when I said I would never move this far into Wisconsin for him. This feels like a defeat since I have clung so hard to trying to keep things a compromise; to not make things lean more favorably for one person or the other.
Even as I write about this, three words stick out to me: worry, judgement, compromise. These are the words I want to unpack since they feel so loaded to me.
worry. I am attaching that word to a lot of things surrounding this move. I have worry about the loss or distancing of friendships… but why don’t I look at this as an opportunity to be more intentional about who my friends are and who I truly want to make the time and effort to see (those relationships should deepen because of that). I worry about loneliness… when maybe this is an opportunity to make new friends in this new area (networking is an important business skill to have and this is going to be a crash course). I worry about distance from my family… this might help me to appreciate my family even more and not take for granite the time I spend with them (again intentionality will be everything).
Judgement. First of all this basically links to worry since I don’t even know that I am even going to be judged by anyone. On top of this, even if some women do judge me for this move, what does that matter? “Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter” as Dr.Seuss said. In that way I need to let go of what I think people might be thinking and I need to let go of whatever they do say. This will teach me the valuable lesson of being confident in my own decisions. This is my life and I am living it the best way for me.
Compromise. This is important for whether or not I am truly confident in my decision. Do I even agree with what I’m doing? Do I really think this is a fair compromise? I’ve always thought of compromise as a 50/50 solution to an immediate problem. This is the first time that I haven’t felt like our solution is immediately 50/50. That’s why I initially lacked confidence about what I was doing, and therefore felt worried and cared about judgement. As I have thought more, however, I see how I’m actually compromising with time, not on whether or not I’m loosing something/gaining something. In other words, no this isn’t a fair situation for both of us at present, but it is a compromise for a better future. I’m beginning to really value this lesson on compromise that I am learning. I need to start looking at a variety of angles for solutions to problems. I need to realize I may need to loose some present battles in order to be happier in the future-which really isn’t even a loss at all!
I’ve really enjoyed writing this post to help me process this move. It’s helped me take a moment to pause and think about how I can find the Little Blessings in a situation that at first glance seems like a defeat. Mindset is everything, so I may need to continue reading over this post to keep me on track 🙂
We love going on adventures together anyway! This is just a different sort of adventure!
XOXO~ Rachel Nohre